You didn't ask for it, but JohnB implied it needs to be done ASAP. So I did it. We will see how accurate this is 2 years from now.
- 01 Los Angeles Rams - Drake Maye, QB, UNC
After a slight regression in the 2023 season, Drake Maye decided to return to school for his Senior season and his 3rd year as the starter at UNC. While rumors swirled about the NIL package provided to him by UNC due to the prospect of an expanded CFB playoff allowing the Tarheels to viably break into the premier tiers of CFB, it was ultimately a smart business decision as the breadth of talent delcaring for the 2024 QB class created a crowded field of talented and experienced signal callers which led to a chaotic 2024 draft with surprises galore like Duke's Riley Leonard going in the top-10 and Jaxson Dart sneaking into the lottery.
Maye returned in the 2024 season and even though he failed to make it into the CFB playoffs with UNC he showed significant improvement in his biggest flaws. We knew he had the athleticism and big-time arm talent for the position, but the ability to slide in the pocket, getting the ball out on-time and in-rhythm, not taking bad sacks, etc. were all the major question marks at the conclusion of the 2023 season. In short, he answered every question mark he had. While he can't control his less than ideal frame, he stopped trying to be a 6'1" superman on the field at QB and instead an ultra efficicient signal caller who got the ball out like a point guard but still splashed 2-3 WOW throws a game.
- 02 Denver Broncos - Cade Clubnik, QB, Clemson
The third-year signal caller at Clemson is the first underclassman off the board and what a stroke of luck for the Broncos and the Waltons after the long-drawn-out disaster that was the Russell Wilson. We won't go through every detail here since the melodrama has been broadcast ad nauseum across all of our screens throughout this whole season to the point where Michael B Jordan is currently being rumored to be cast for the role of Russell Wilson in the upcoming Netflix limited series about the split between Wilson and his former wife Ciara and how it all concluded with Wilson confront Future at his concert in Atlanta and missed the team's plane ride back to Denver and of cours the inevitable fall-out in the conrontation with the Waltons at the Bronco's facilities upon his return where Wilson locked himself in what used to be his own personal office among the front-office staff but was taken away by then coach Sean Payton. The only comment Broncos HC Payton had on the whole ordeal was that he knew a thing or two about football movies and biopics and encouraged Wilson to make sure he gets some say in casting.
Wth regards to Clubnik, he's #fine. Not the most accurate, not the biggest arm, not the most mobile, not the toughest, not the biggest - but he just wins and plays in rhythm and posted a perfect S2 cognition test surpassing the previous record-holder and oft-injured NFL QB Bryce Young. Many have compared Clubnik to a normal-sized young with less "playmaking" ability, which Payton prefers s he doesn't like his QBs to make plays outside of structure unless they've done a missionary trip with the church of the latter day saints.
- 03 Chicago Bears - Travis Hunter, CB/WR, Colorado
After Chicago missed out on Caleb Williams in the 2024 draft they inexplicably picked up Justin Fields' 5th year option, it appears the Bears and Ryan Poles will be offically delcaring this as the year when Justin Fields stops leading the NFL in fumbles, sacks and INTs and has his Hurts/Allen jump under new HC Brian Johnson. With Johnson's track record, this is Justin Fields' best bet to develop as a passer and finally become known as more than running QB. Despite being 13-62 in his career at Chicago many fans are still in Fields' corner as they all swear he is elite as they rewatch his 7 career rushing TDs of 50+ yards on a loop every day and swear they can't remember an INT or fumble that wasn't his fault but was actually the fault of a terrible OL (that Poles and team have sunk multiple first round picks and $75M of guaranteed money into) and the fault of DJ Moore "actually being a bum" and that "Carolina tricked them".
Deion might tell the world Shedeur is his son, but we all know Travis Hunter is his favorite. A Deion 2.0 as some are referring to Hunter as, the elder Jackson and Colorado HC first made it onto the scene by convincing Hunter to flip to Jackson State out of HS - a then conensus #1 overall recruit from all recruiting services.
Hunter has rare athleticism in a unique build who was seemingly made for this post-modern NFL era. Hunter was falling down big boards as many anlaysts foud both his WR tape and CB tape riddled with holes - inconsistent footwork and change of direction at CB, inability to consistently beat press coverage as a WR but a master of press-bail coverage as a CB, more TD production than YAC production, too much gambling on defense, etc. But all of that was put to bed after Hunter blew up the combine weekend by jumping out of the gym while also posting the best 40 time among both position groups.
Hunter is adamant about contributing both ways in the NFL, he currently projects as CB2 and WR3 on this Bears roster for his rookie season.
- 04 Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Harold Perkins, EDGE, LSU
We can offically dub Baker Mayfield as the new "Fitzmagic" - except one the media thinks is corny and hates instead of charming and crazy. After miraculously leading a charging and resurgent Bucs offense in the first half of the 2023 season only to falter down the stretch. Still, he did enough to earn a nice $15M/1 year contract for the 2024 season and be named as the incumbent starter. It wasn't long until the Bucs 3rd round pick Michael Penix took over in week 3 and the Bucs never looked back as Penix went on to win OROY honors in an upset over Caleb Williams.
With the QB situation set under Penix, the Bucs turn there direction towards the most talented defensive player in this draft class who doesn'thave their own line of merchandie and want to play both ways in the NFL (although I have to admit that Hunter12 hoodies are pretty dope and Travis Hunter gifting the Hunter12 athleisure suits to the press at the combine was a classy move and genius marketing strategy). The Bucs nab the top pass rusher in the draft to add to that defensive front, creating a dynanmic inside-out pass rush duo with the All-Pro DT Calijah Kancey.
- 05 New England Patriots - Nick Singleton, RB, Penn State
It finally happened. In Bill Belichick's retirement the Patriots finally had a losing season and are picking top-5. His influence in the facility and front-office as a consultant however are palpable here as they inexplicably select top RB and acknowledged "blue-chipper" Nick Singleton. After Rhamondre Stevenson's knee injury in late 2023 and his subsequent weight gain during recovery he was a shell of his former 2023 All-Pro self when on the field, and too often found himself off the field as he continues to work his way back.
The running game was too important for this new look Patriots offense, and Singleton is the best back since Bijan and Saquon. While he should be productive on this Patriots team, this is no doubt a reach and not best value on the board which is a classic Patriots draft pick if you ask me.
- 06 Indianappolis Colts - Barion Brown, WR, Kentucky.
Going into year 3 of the Anthony Richardson expierment and fans are praying for that year 3 breakout like Josh Allen and Jalen Hurts before him after posting a career completion percentage of just 54.1% through 2 seasons. Still, this Colts team has seen worse days and the defense is looking promising after DROY Dallas Turner had a great 2024 season.
In the spirit of fostering that year 3 breakout for Anthony Richardson the Colts have elected to give him Barion Brown, the dynamic WR out of Kentucky. Slightly undersized, his game is reminiscent of Garrett Wilson but in Chris Olave's body. A WR who spcializes in separation and YAC and also brings dynamics special teams value. He should be exactly what the doctor ordered to help Richardson improve hi short yardage passing efficiency.
- 07 Atlanta Falcons - Denver Harris, CB, LSU
The Falcons second-year signal caller Garrett Shrader is on thin ice with the fans after a tumultuous 2024 season. It is clear the Falcons should have given Shrader a full redshirt year, but after being eliminated from playoff contention the Falcons and Arthur Smith elected to see what they had in Schrader and let him learn on the job as it was clear with his play that Desmond Ridder's time with Atlanta as as starter was coming to a close. Schrader showed excellent mobility and more athleticism in the designed running game than fans had anticipated. 2025 will be a major test and opportunity for Schrader as the rest of the offensive side of the ball is there.
The Falcons are going with the slightly undersized but ultra-technical Harris to help shore up their longstanding secondary woes. With AJ Terrrell not getting any younger, this provides a nice balance for the Falcons of veterans and young players.
- 08 Minnesota Vikings - Donovan Smith, QB, Houston
Kirk Cousins run has finally come to an end as the Vikings move on and Cousins looks to make one last run with the Washington Commanders - back where it all started. The Vikings draft his replacement in Smith who looks to start right away which is good because the pocket passer is considered mentally on of the most pro-ready QBs in this class.
At 6'5" 240, Donovan Smith has drawn comps to a young Ben Roethlisberger. The Vikings can only hope that his early career pans out in a similar way (on the field only) and he helps unlock the duo of Jefferson and Addison, the latter of whom has yet to break out in the NFL but has flashed.
- 09 Las Vegas Raiders - Squirrel White, WR, Tennessee
Al Davis may be only here in memory and spirit, but his influence has never been more felt than this reach by the Raiders. Squirrel White is explosive and a perfect Al Davis type of player. With an aging Davante Adams still on the books and roster for this next season, White provides an excellent complementary skillset to help Adams get more room underneath to work with.
- 10 Tennessee Titans - Mykel Williams, EDGE, Georgia
Arguably the best talent in the draft in Mykel Williams slides all the way to 10 overall and it couldn't be a better schematic fit. The culture fit however is shocking, as Williams fell due to off-field concerns at what has become a notoriously problematic Georgia program under Kirby Smart. Despite being a coach who cares a lot about "football character", Vrabel nabs the hyper-talented defensive lineman here - maybe easing the concerns about Williams' off-field issues being overblown. Still, many fans fear this could be the Isaiah "Panda" Wilson situation all over again.
- 11 New York Jets - Will Campbell, OT, LSU
The steal of the first round so far, the #1 OT in Campbell falls to the Jets and marks new Jets GM Thomas Dimitroff's first selection under his return to the NFL, and what a pick it is. Campbell is a consistent 3-year starter at LSU who has never missed a start and only missed 4 passing play snaps in 3 years. Campbell goes into the draft with fewer sacks and penalties allowed than any other OT in the past 3 draft classes. A new franchise LT is exactly what the Jets need as they look to trot our Zach Wilson for 1 last shot in 2025.
- 12 Green Bay Packers - Maason Smith, DT, LSU
A prototypical 4-3 DT at 6'5" and 300 lbs with a strong frame and athleticism to boot, Maason Smith gives the Packers' woeful interior defense and defensive line exactly the boost they need.
After moving on from Jordan Love to second year QB Bo Nix this off-season, the Packers look ready to go on offense with a great young WR group and Zach Tom looking to go to back-to-back-to-back All-Pro seasons and aiming to secure his first "First-Team All-Pro" selection after two consecutive seasons as a Secon-Team selection at OT.
- 13 Cleveland Browns - Blake Miller, OT, Clemson
Another OT off the board. Not much to say here other than Deshaun Watson still has a dead cap hit in 2025 of $73 Million Dollars and Jedrick Wills ain't it and is long gone this off-season, leaving the Browns int he market for a franchise OT. All other Deshaun Watson jokes have been redacted.
- 14 New Orleans Saints - Will Johnson, CB, Michigan
He will get the Sauce comps, but the reality is there no other Sauce Gardner and just because you're 6'2"-6'3" and 195-200lbs does not mean you're Sauce Gardner. Johnson is a great and long CB in his own right and has rare ankle flexibility for his length at the position. If you had no idea that aknle flexibility was a thing then you've never seen all of the things they train and test at the University of Michigan weight room and training facilities. Where do you think Tom Brady got all of his ideas for his pliability and TB12 exercises?
- 15 Arizona Cardinals - Xavier Worthy, WR, Texas
Xavier Worthy was going to declare for the 2024 draft since "film bros" in the online community told him he was better than Marvin Harrison Jr, but then he looked in the mirror and still saw he was able to count more than half of all of his ribs and decided to spend an off-season on P90X to gain another 10-15 lbs. It turns out that gaining weight and then proving you can play well at that weight - instead of graduating and then "adding muscle" in the off-season before the combine/draft like Zay Flowers - only to lose it all after being drafted and then being a bum in the NFL like Flowers. He dominated in a way he had fallen off the year prior in the 2023 season under Quinn Ewers, and with Manning taking over in 2024 Worthy saw his stock jump back into the first round with his playing weight being a solid 185-190 lbs.
- 16 Washington Commanders - DJ Campbell, OG, Texas
"Glass eater" all the way and the second longhorn picked in a row. With Ron Rivera oustead after the 2023 season, new HC Mike Lafleur was determined to turn things around with hi hand-picked QB in the 2024 draft, Riley Leonard. Mike and the Commanders got off to an 0-9 start while averaging 11 points of offense per game. During the BYE week right before he was fired by ownership, LaFleur said in a press conference that after his time at Davidson he swore to himself he would never lose 11 straight games in his life again and vowed that he and Leonard would make the best of this BYE week and guaranteed a win. Mike never did lose that 11th game after being fired and it turned out that once he had an offense that had more play calls than formations and not the other way around - Riley Leonard was a decent QB! All they were missing was an OG, as they upped their PPG over their final 8 games to 27 ppg and won 7 in a row, putting them in a prime spot with a glass eater of an OG to compete for the NFC East in 2025.
- 17 San Francisco 49ers - Quinshon Judkins, RB, Ole Miss
Writes itself. The best RB as a true freshman - not just of the true freshman class but in all of CFB. Mildly undersized but that never stopped a Shanahan scheme.
Kyle Shanahan was so excited after this pick because he had his eyes on a guy in the 6th round who he just KNEW would get snaps over Judkins.
- 18 Carolina Panthers - Walter Nolan, DT, Texas A&M
Don't let the 75-year-old man name fool you, Walter Nolan is all southern grade-A beef. With that description you're still not sure if this is a white dude or black dude, I know. Luckily a quick google image search will yield 50 75-year-old men and then 1 football player and that will answer your unnecessary and strange question you thought in your head.
Bryce Young was not a fan of this selection as he definitely cannot see over him when going against him in practice.
- 19 Detroit Lions - Jason Marshall Jr, CB, Miami
On his pre-draft visit he literally bit Dan Campbell's kneecap the second he saw him. Campbell had to go to the hospital with a different-kind-of-torn meniscus. He would've turned the card in from the room during post-op when the Surgeon explained just how much tendon was actuallly missing.
Great career numbers and 4-year starter who missed most of 2023 season due to a meniscus injury (ironic indeed). Had he been healthy he likely goes late day 1 or early day 2 in the 2024 draft.
- 20 Los Angeles Chargers - Derrick Moore, EDGE, Michigan
A Khalil Mack wannabe although the current Chargers HC Brandon Staley the Chargers are still prioritizing defense here and then giving a press conference where they spend half the time explaining their strategy like the media is a bunch of 5 year olds. Expect the Harbaugh milk-based diet and elite training facilities to groom this young man into a dominant force who the Chargers are lucky to nab at 20.
- 22 Miami Dolphins - Kelvin Banks Jr, OT, Texas
Mike McDaniel and the Dolphins started to gain some traction up until Terron Armstrong went down with what is like a career ending knee surgery - not due to the gruesome or unique-in-any-way nature of the injury but simply age and the incentive to just retire and chill for Armstrong.
McDaniel got himself into some trouble when his joke got a litt too dry during a game in which the OL was getting beaten up and McDaniel decided to try and lift their spirits by making some bad sarcastic joke at their expense. The OL responded by all simply standing up and making the 5'8" 130 lb McDaniel realize just how inferior he really is and any of those men could end the little man's whole career with a quick snatch-technique pass set. Feeling insecure, McDaniels went full Spongebob Squarepants, pretended to eat nails for breakfast and worse blow-up muscles to the facilities only for the OL to pop one of them inpassing - sending the locker room into a 37 minute long roast session at McDaniel's expense. His only option this off-season was to replace everyone on the OL to "send a message" and never make bad jokes again with the new OTs. He finished that process this off-season by drafting their next franchise LT who is known to be a bit of a nerd, and didn't make a SINGLE joke during his pre-draft visit with McDaniels. Perfection. Something about Miami just turns Offensive Lineman into a bunch of bullies in the locker room.
Another top OT goes off the board - a projected 3 year starter underclassman declare. This class has a chance to be special.
- 23 Baltimore Ravens - Dani Dennis-Sutton, EDGE, Penn State
Lots of hyphenated names in this draft class which means you know it's going to hit. More names means more confidence.
- 24 Houston Texans - J.Michael Sturdivant, WR, UCLA
I don't know what the J. stands for.
- 25 New York Giants - Domani Jackson, CB, USC
Giants secondary is the one thing holding them back from competing in the playoffs as Brian Daboll continues to massage efficient QB play out of whoever is back there - but not in a Deshaun Watson kind of way but like an actually good way where everyone knows exactly what they're doing and what everyone next to them is about to do as well.
- 26 Pittsburgh Steelers - Donovan Ezeiruaku, OLB, Boston College
The Steelers and the OLBs, Ezeiruaku is not only a terribly difficult name to spell (even while closely looking at it) but he is evern harder to block in the run game. He will complement Nick Herbig well, an OLB who rushes the passer first and stops the run second while Exeiraku is the opposite. All mis-spellings are intentional for comedic effect of course.
- 27 Seattle Seahawks - Arik Gilbert, TE, Nebraska
Pete Carroll, a TE, a talent with character concerns, an older prospect, a conensus reach of at least 30 draft slots. A typical Seahawks pick if I've ever seen one.
- 27 Jacksonville Jaguars - Oronde Gadsden II, WR/TE, Syracuse
Go Jags, Go!
- 28 Dallas Cowboys - Jalon Walker, ILB, Georgia
I'm out of commentary.
- 29 Buffalo Bills - Malaki Starks, S, Georgia
It has been a full year since Jordan Poyer was a starter for the Bills and yet like other NFL stars in denial before him like Terell Owens, he swears he is in great shape and ready to play another NFL season. Much like Cam Newton, he started his own podcast this off-season and started listing all of the Safeties in the NFL he would be "okay" with backing up, even though he "knows" he is a starting NFL safety still.
Regardless the Bills have a void and it won't be filled by a 34 year old Poyer. Malaki Starks is anothe example of Georgia recruiting solely defensive players, but doing it effectively. I personally cannot wait for Malaki Starks to go from living 21 years without ever seeing snow to then seeing nothing but 3-4 feet of snow for 6 months.
- 30 Cincinnati Bengals - Jackson Powers-Johnson, IOL, Oregon
Great grading as a true freshman and opened up lanes all over while keeping Bo Nix's jersey clean. I can't stop thinking Kenny Powers when this pick is made. Google the guy and check out how thick his neck/traps is, now THAT is what you want your interior offensive lineman to look like. All he needs is the Kenny Powers mullet and he will be a fan-favorite and All-Pro.
This is also yet another off-season where everyone continues to call the Bengals OL "inept" and place all of Bengals playoff losses solely on them while they jointly carress and soother Joe Burrow and whisper gently in his ear that his sacks aren't his fault, even though he is on video during a podcast explicitly saying his sack problem isn't really a problem. Until you can admit you have a problem, it'll never be fixed. So the Bengals spend another off-season with Burow in denial, doomed to the same fate in 2025 - their season ending in a playoff game where Burrow is sacked 5 times.
- 31 Kansas City Chiefs - Tommy Brockermeyer, OT, TCU
What a name, the 2-year TCU OT was previously recruited and kept on the bench by Saban for his first two years. Something about drafting former-5-star OTs woh don't do anything in college just seems to make the NFL happy, so here it is.
- 32 Philadelphia Eagles - Bear Alexander, DT, Somewhere in CFB that paid a lot of NIL
Howie Roseman strictly drafts top talents and strictly drafts in the trenches or WR in round 1. No exceptions. However, Roseman is known as the penultimate prankster and on the heels of Philly's 3rd straight NFC conference championship and their first time actually winning a super bowl and beating Mahomes, Howie got a little cocky. The Eagles finally got over the hump and beat the Chiefs in their super bowl rubber-match this past February by bringing in Wink Martindale as their DC in the 2024 off-season. He really wanted Wink to have his Bear.
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