Two Soldiers Outside the Walls

I'm a little worried about this battle. I hear they got millions of dead guys whose entire existence is based on killing people.

Yeah, but supposedly they're kind of dumb. And anyway, look at what we got. One of the greatest castles in the world, the best cavalry ever assembled, a ridiculously trained infantry, huge artillery equipment, the most Heroes ever assembled. We even have a 2 to 1 dragon advantage for god sake. All we got to do is sit here and roast marshmallows.

Still, they got way more guys than we do. And speaking of the castle, isn't the whole point of spending decades building a castle so that you can go inside when attacked by superior forces? Why are we outside?

Good point, I don't know.

Especially since any of us that gets killed immediately turns into one of their guys. That may actually bite us in the ass if we stay out there.

I don't even want to think about that.

And if we are going to stay outside, why are we all facing in one direction only? Any superior army would immediately outflank us.

I think we're hoping they don't think about that and only attack us from the front. Anyway, look at those bad ass horse guys. The leather outfits, the mascara, the euro hairdo's. They're sick.

Totally. There are any number of ways we can strategically use those guys.

Nah, I think we're just going to let them charge the enemy alone.

What? Charging calary into superior massed infantry has never worked before in the history of the world!

Yeah well, there's a first time for everything. Like I said, they're really tough. There they go now........crap they're already dead.

That sucked. Now they're on their side.

Oops. Anyway, remember how long it took us to build those catapults? Things are like 80 feet high! They're awesome. We can be raining fire on them from behind for the whole battle.

Did you say behind? They're way out in front. Now they will be in the enemy's possession as soon as the battle starts.


I'm starting to lose faith in our decision makers here. Who are our generals anyway?

I'm not sure. There's a guy on top of the wall there waiving torches, but nobody knows why.

Don't we have anybody with strategic command experience?

We do have this guy who masterminded a major victory once, but I think we locked him down in the crypt.


LOOK! There go the dragons. They can incinerate entire armies in minutes.

That rules. Wait.........why are they staying in that cloud bank?

I don't know. John and Dany must know what they're doing.

But I've seen these things before. They really don't need any human assistance at all. They're not dumb. They get it. They know who to kill. And I'm sure they can figure out how to fly under the clouds.

Shoot man, those riders are the king and queen. I'm not going to tell them you tell them.

Where the hell did they go? They barely did anything.

I don't know.

Welp, we're running out of assets here, and we've barely killed anybody.

Not even close. We still have ludicrous magic guys.

Ludicrous magic guys? Where?

Didn't you see that chick in the red coat turn the horse guys swords on fire? You think just aybody can do that?

Good point, that was pretty cool. But can she do anything that actually helps us?

Yeah, look, she's turning that ditch into fire. Their army can't cross fire, so.....crap

That slowed them down for like 15 seconds.

Didn't see that coming.

She was useless. But see that guy in the wheelchair? We've been developing him since the very first episode and he's fully trained now. This oughta be incredible.

Bran: "Nah Brah, I think I will use this time to morph into a flock of harmless birds and cruise around."

You gotta be kidding! That's it! Wait, what about our Heroes? We got like 10 of them. They usually win in the end.

Might be a problem. When the battle first started, they were completely surrounded by dead guys awaiting imminent death.

Oh great. That was an hour and a half ago. They must all be dead by now.

No, in fact not one of them has died. But they continue to be completely surrounded by dead guys awaiting imminent death.

I guess that's it then. Its a shame, really, there's a lot of things I think we could have done differently. In fact, I can't think of one thing we did that made any sense at all. Here, take this black dagger and kill me when they get here.

Well, OK, but I wouldn't give up yet. Like I said, they're pretty dumb too. Their Boss has existed since the beginning of time, but he lost his brain along with the abiiity to speak a couple thouand years ago.

But he doesn't even have to do anything. They've completely crushed us. He has millions of guys he can send to kill a guy in a wheelchair that can't even move.

Nope. He wants to do it himself, thus risking his only chance of losing.....ha ha! See? That teenage girl just killled him. They're toast.

Good lord, lets go find some ale. I can't believe there are three more episodes of this.

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