Well, it’s the holiday season, and we all know what that means. Bringing dead evergreens inside the house so as to cure you of the ills of not having fire hazards in your home. In the spirit of remembering the destitute, a blizzard of gifts so excessive it threatens to bury the random evergreen. In the spirit of remembering the hungry, a meal so enormous it can feed a small country. Credit card bills so giant they can fund said small country. That once a year feeling of genuine warmth that can only be generated by spending time with loved ones, with whom you share the time honored tradition of renewing grievances accumulated across the years. Old socks filled with random doodads. And of course, a fat jolly old man with a massive toy factory at the North Pole, staffed by unpaid laborer elves who work year round to make toys for all the world’s children. The fat jolly old man operates what is apparently the most advanced surveillance state on earth as he endeavors to discover which children are naughty and which are nice. He rewards the nice ones by breaking and entering their homes. Given the time allotted for the task and the number of children in the world, apparently the amazing fat burglar manages to accomplish his fun felonies at an astonishing rate of 80,000+ homes per second, every second, without rest or bathroom breaks. He manages this partly due to the help of what are apparently mutant freak reindeer which have discovered anti-gravity.
In the spirit of this wondrous season, I have a few gifts for some lucky Gang Green Nation members and others. I hope you like them.
For John B: New jokes that don’t require two teams tying or spelling archipelagaroppolo
For Njb45: Jokes that stay below your head, where they belong
For yowizeguy: A lifetime supply of conditional draft picks
For shiff71: A lifetime supply of recs for anything mentioning Sam Darnold in a positive light
For Traveling Man: A tirade to remember, and a 53 man roster populated entirely with offensive linemen
For Gase Better Win Now: A billboard of your own
For westcoastjet: A family farm
For Crackback: A Jamal Adams action figure
For JoCat: A game thread in which you never think the Jets are doomed
For Manish Mehta: A new Jets head coach, who also doesn’t talk to you
For newman104: a long thread in which you and Njb45 do nothing but agree with one another whole-heartedly
For Scott Salmon: A bobdolethesnapplelady action figure
For Broadway Jose: A Brad and Angie expose’
For Barnaby8787: Forbearance when I don’t read something thoroughly
For Trinity15: A Tim Tebow comeback
For Deep Maye: muscles
For IMissFatRex: Fat Rex
For riverside the great: Good health, a roster populated solely by Mountain Westies, and just a little more optimism if you please, you old curmudgeon, you
For GenoTime7: A lifetime supply of internets to bet with
For fly14: A rose bush
For jbigs07: a sunny day, keepin’ the clouds away
For AFCxxBEAST: a book
For JetsFanOverseas: Twitter, 280 characters or less - the ultimate challenge!
For gbrowne2307 and BrianFromTheCape: John Idzik action figures. They’re always half price, and they don’t do much, but they’re better than the alternatives!
For GangGreenRCR: A Pete Carroll breakout year
For LanceMehl: Sarcasm font
For Thomas Christopher: Freedom from the dreaded TANLAN curse
For JetsAllTheWay: Less typing
For the Patriots and their fans: a fully guaranteed 5 year $175 million extension for Tom Brady
For all GGNers and Jets fans everywhere: a playoff berth in 2020, Sam Darnold’s development into a franchise quarterback, and a Super Bowl title in our lifetimes
And for the thousands of you who make this a great place to spend some time every day who didn’t get mentioned by name here, my sincere apologies and my deepest gratitude. I wish all of you nothing but the best this holiday season and throughout the new year. Thank you all for making the GGN staff a part of your lives. Thank you all for putting up with my dumb jokes. On behalf of the entire GGN staff, our warmest holiday wishes.