Jets vs Eagles: Five Bold Predictions

Week 4 of scintillating preseason football is finally here and Whoa Nelly! The excitement in the air is palpable! I got chills. They’re multiplying. And I’m losing control. It’s electrifying! And it’s time for some more Bold Predictions.

This week is pretty much impossible to predict. The field is filled with scrubs we’ll never see again on a Jets team, and it’s anybody’s guess which scrub might just have the game of his NFL life. A year ago against the Giants in the Snoopy Bowl ArDarius Stewart put up 82 yards receiving and two touchdowns, including a beautiful sideline tiptoe grab. Anybody remember that? Anybody? Yeah, it happened, and that was in the most meaningful preseason game, if such an oxymoron makes sense. In the Scrub Bowl things get even more unpredictable. So in an intrepid venture where angels fear to tread, I will put my fine good ok not completely reprehensible reputation on the line and try to predict the unpredictable. Should be fun.

Disclaimer: A Bold Prediction is not something that is likely or probable to happen. Bold Predictions are blind guesses that are laughably optimistic beyond what anyone can reasonably expect to happen, but not so far as to be virtually impossible. Saying that Leonard Williams will get a sack is not a Bold Prediction, nor is saying that Bilal Powell will run for 650 yards. By definition, Bold Predictions are unlikely, but not impossible, to occur. Since this is a Jets site, they are also pro-Jets predictions. As always, the Final Score prediction is meant to be realistic, not a Bold Prediction.

Let’s take a look at how we did last week.

Well, I got my bonus prediction kinda right. I predicted Darron Lee would not look lost and would do something, anything, to justify his continued starting role in the Jets defense. Lee actually had one of his better games as a Jet, without any glaring mistakes. As for the rest of my predictions ... well, how does that saying go? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. You, in the back there ... are you not getting this? Don’t say anything at all. Well that wasn’t very nice. Yeah I know I kinda suck at this, but you don’t have to rub it in. Anyway ...

Here are my five Bold Predictions for tonight’s game:

1. Obum Gwacham: Just wacham, Gwacham will take over the game with a sack, multiple pressures and a forced fumble.

2. The Jets will amaze you with a return for a touchdown. Blocked kick, blocked punt, kickoff return, fumble return, punt return, interception return, missed field goal return; who knows, but some kind of return for a touchdown.

3. John Wolford will gain more yards rushing than passing and will account for at least two touchdowns. Now which team scores those touchdowns, I’m not saying.

4. Jordan Leggett will get everyone excited by leading all Jets in receiving yards and finding the end zone. He will then be cut a day or two later.

5. Charcandrick West. I don’t know, he’ll do something interesting. Mostly I just like saying Charcandrick.

And a bonus prediction: Lorenzo Mauldin will play only in the second half, against backups to backups. And he will still make zero impact. Alas poor Lorenzo, we knew him GGN.

Final Score: You’ll think you’re watching a baseball game. Jets 6, Eagles 3.