Pie in the Sky Scenario

Came up with this while super baking some cookies

The story leading into the offseason:

The Jets go off on a 5-1 run in the second half behind ROTY Sam Darnold. Darnold sneaks into the top 20 passers per DYAR and DVOA with a 23/18 TD:INT and 55% completion rate. He does so in a passing offense built around an emerging screen game led by - in order of effectiveness - Brandon Shell, Eljiah McGuire (thanks to contributions as a RB), a resurgent Spencer Long, Brian Winters, Quincy Enunwa, Trenton Cannon, and Chris Herndon that set up bombs to Robby Anderson. Rishard Matthews randomly comes in and catches a couple bombs.

The defense jumps back into the top 7 in DVOA and DYAR after the bye and never looks back. The group led by a resurgent pass defense featuring Trumaine Johnson (who reminds everyone he was basically a bigger Asante Samuel from 2015-2017), Jamal Adams, Leonard Williams, and Darron Lee. The run D rises with Avery Williamson leading the emergent of DT/NT/DE Mike, Pennel and ILB/OLB Frankie Luvu among a myriad of competent bargains under rookie deals like Jordan Jenkins, Marcus Maye, Nathan Sheperd, Parry Nickerson, and Terrence Brooks.

STs, coordinated by emerging star Brant Boyer, continues their excellent top 2 season (per DVOA) behind K Myers, KR Roberts, and a 2nd half rebound from Lachlan Edwards.

The Jets further stun by sneaking into the playoffs at 8-8 along with the Patriots, Steelers, Chargers, Texans, and Chiefs. Darnold and mostly the pass D stuns the Chargers at home in a defense led route.

The Jets head to Foxboro where Darnold delivers a historic performance reminiscent of the 2017 Rose Bowl game that put him on the map. The Jets again go after the Patriots’ older LB group and secondary, sending Anderson and Matthews over the top while Cannon and McGuire run around Hightower and Van Noy.

The D again takes over against the Steelers. Comparisons are made between the Steelers’ Roethlisberger/Polamalu 2005 roster and the Jets’ Darnold/Adams led roster. The Jets, led by Adams on D, take out the Steelers’ younger playmakers underneath putting the onus on the Steelers’ two oldest stars. Isaiah Crowell breaks off a couple big runs against

The Jets somehow meet the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl. In perhaps the dirtiest, ugliest Super Bowl since 2006 the Jets pull out a 21-10 victory behind Super Bowl MVP Jamal Adams. Adams picks off Trubisky twice, once for a pick 6. The only offensive score is Darnold making a goal line dive. Shrined are erected, effigies burnt, wombs impregnated, parades, parties, ceremonies, and any form of celebration possible occurs in New Jersey, of all places. Mike Trout, Sidney Crosby, and Lebron James declare themselves mere whispers in time compared to Sam Darnold’s roar. Donald Trump tweets that Darnold is secretly his son and he was a terrific father. Crime goes down. Social justice warriors take a fifteen minute break from being outraged. Armistices are negotiated. Marijuana is legalized nationally and recognized for it’s medicinal purposes. Big phara goes down and healthcare as a whole becomes as cheap and accessible as food or clothing. Sanchez goes bang a goat. GRRM publishes the last two books within 6 months. Johnson & Johnson sees record profits. America enters a new age of Enlightenment where big data and AI development are put on hiatus for an open and honest discourse.

Anyway that is how they get into the offseason:

Out: Crowell, Beachum

Resigns ($8 million)

Anderson (2nd round tag)


H. Anderson



2019 1st to the Jaguars for Jalen Ramsey

The rationale is simple and covers all bases - if a superstar is available on a rookie deal and you have a QB, get that superstar. Ramsey’s the best CB the league at 24 with two years of his rookie deal left. He is step 2 after Darnold in building a modern and elite top of the roster.


Le’Veon Bell (5/45-54/75) - Step 3!

Roger Saffold (5/32/60) - Just kind of a duh move

Ja’Wuan James (5/24/40) - Another modern twist: LT/RT Tomato/Tomahto. Not even sure I care who between he and Shell plays LT, but it’s probably James.

Tyrell Williams (3/27/27) - 6’4" deep threat, 9 TDs in his last 69 receptions over the past 25 games

Smaller FA signings ($35 million):

Preston Smith DE/LB

Ha-Ha Clinton Dix FS

CJ Uzomah TE

Marshawn Lynch RB

Mitch Morse C

Greg Robinson T/G

Jeff Allen G/T

De’Anthony Thomas WR

Jonathan Hankins DT

Kevin Hogan QB

George Iloka DB/S

Sammie Coates WR


DK Metcalf WR - A gift from the scriptwriters

David Sills WR - 6’3" 200+ with 33 TDs in just 120 career receptions, Eric Decker or Jordyz Nelsonz comps a’comin

Joe Jackson DE Miami

Michael Dieter OL Wisconsin

Tommy Sweeney TE Boston College

Jah bless you if you read this

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