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Jets vs. Dolphins: Five Bold Predictions

The way of the superior person is threefold: virtuous, they are free from anxieties; wise they are free from perplexities; and bold they are free from fear. - Confucius

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Disclaimer:  A Bold Prediction is not something that is likely or probable to happen. Bold Predictions are guesses that are beyond what anyone can reasonably expect to happen, but not so far as to be physically impossible. Saying that Geno Smith is going to throw for 162 yards and one touchdown is not a bold prediction, nor is saying that Chris Ivory will run for 423 yards and eight touchdowns. By definition, Bold Predictions are unlikely, but not impossible, to occur.  Since this is a Jets site, they are also pro-Jets predictions. As always, the Final Score prediction is meant to be realistic, not a Bold Prediction.

Let's take a quick look at last week's Bold Predictions results before moving on to Sunday's game.  I correctly predicted Jeremy Kerley would have a breakout game, as he had his best game since week 3 and led all Jets receivers in receptions and yards.  But I called for 80+ yards and a touchdown, so I still got that one wrong.  Sorta kinda close, but not close enough.  I predicted Michael Vick would not turn the ball over for a third straight week.  Close, but nope.  He had one turnover.  None of my other predictions were close at all.  Sigh... it's tough to get Bold Predictions right with such a terrible team giving terrible performances week after week.  Maybe I should start following John B's lead and make anti-Bold Predictions the rest of the way.  Hmmm... that's an idea.  But no, I'll foolishly stay the course here.   My record now stands at five correct predictions out of 55 on the year.  I'm like cray cray good at this.    My bonus prediction was the Jets' defense would generate more turnovers than the Bills' defense.  A pretty low hurdle there, as the Bills only generated one turnover.  But true to form the Jets proved once again fully capable of stumbling over the lowest of hurdles, as they generated zero turnovers for the 7th time this season.  Four for eleven on bonus predictions this year.   I brought my record to 4-7 in predicting the winner of the game, having incorrectly predicted a Jets win over the Bills.  Still, they only fell short by five touchdowns, so I was close on that one.

Let's see what I can get wrong this week.

Here are my five Bold Predictions for Monday's game:

1.  Percy Harvin will catch a touchdown pass and/or take a kickoff return back for a touchdown for the first time since 2012. He will celebrate with a wild and woolly, primal screaming, posing and prancing display to put an emphatic stamp on the Jets pulling to within three touchdowns in this game.

2.  IK Enemkpali will record his first NFL sack.  He will celebrate by turning to the crowd and screaming "What's my name?"  After several increasingly futile and hilarious attempts at responding appropriately, ("Eminemsky?  Enemy K Piles?  Enema OK pal?" the crowd will finally respond by simply shrugging en masse and shouting back "We don't have a $#@%#ing clue!"  The game will then forever be known as the "We don't have a $#@%#ing clue, but we LIK E IK E" game.

3.  Quinton Coples will celebrate his return home to the defensive line with two or more sacks in a game for the first time in his career.  The return to the line will thereafter be known as "Coples Therapy."

4.  T.J. Barnes will join IK and Coples in the sack.. errr.. ummm... party and record the first sack of his career.  He will then proceed to celebrate with his own original sack dance, but since mountains can't dance, it will be instantly dubbed "The Earthquake", or alternatively, affectionately referred to as "LOL, what the %#@@% was that?!!"  This will be the sole highlight, played in an endless loop, in the soon to be released Jets 2014 highlight film, tentatively titled "2014 Jets: LOL, what the %#@@% was that?!!"  or alternatively "#Idziked!"

5.  The Jets offensive line will keep Geno Smith's uniform clean, and he will not be sacked or even hit in the pocket all day.

And a bonus prediction:  Geno Smith won't exit the game with boos raining down on him.

Final Score:  Fun fact: the Jets have lost by two touchdowns or more in five of their last seven games.  Fun fact two: the vaunted Jets defense has allowed 27 or more points in seven of eleven games this season.  Make that six of their last eight and eight of twelve.  Jets caught in a Miami Vice: Dolphins 31, Jets 13.