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Every year, EA Sports comes out with a new Madden video game, and people hotly debate the rankings of the players. We at GangGreenNation decided to apply the Madden ratings to our own beat reporters. Let's see how they did, folks.
| Name | Article Originality | Ability to Write Without Snark | Ability to Actually Analyze Football | Refusal to Resort to Sensationalism | Ability to Competently Use Twitter | Overall Rating |
| Manish Mehta | 55 | 5 | 18 | 0 | 99 | 35.40 |
| Rich Cimini | 65 | 16 | 84 | 13 | 0 | 35.60 |
| Dan Leberfeld | 70 | 20 | 25 | 25 | 99 | 47.80 |
| J.P. Pelzman | 60 | 14 | 45 | 50 | 99 | 53.60 |
| Kimberley Martin | 60 | 8 | 45 | 62 | 99 | 54.80 |
| Jane McManus | 75 | 23 | 45 | 67 | 99 | 61.80 |
| Brian Costello | 80 | 60 | 75 | 92 | 99 | 81.20 |
| Dennis Waszak | 70 | 92 | 55 | 90 | 99 | 81.20 |
| Kristian Dyer | 93 | 63 | 75 | 95 | 99 | 85.00 |
| Seth Walder | 85 | 95 | 75 | 73 | 99 | 85.40 |
| Darryl Slater | 78 | 95 | 75 | 90 | 99 | 87.40 |
| Eric Allen | 99 | 99 | 99 | 99 | 99 | 99.00 |
Some notes. The first is that new guy Darryl Slater looks to be extremely promising. So far, he's just reported the news, and hasn't tried to get too cute or overdo it. He knows he's not writing for a Pulitzer Prize here. Speaking of the Pulitzer Prize, Manish Mehta has won our very own Florio Award, which goes to the worst person covering the team.
Also, full disclosure: my rankings of Eric Allen may be biased because of how great his goatee is.