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The Jets Pinky and The Braintrust

A comedy of errors.

Pinky: Narf! What are we going to do tonight Brain?

Brain: The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try and take over the NFL!

Pinky: Narf! How are we going to do that Brain?

Brain: By doing the unexpected!

Pinky: What do you mean Brain?

Brain: Buwahhahahaha! It's diabolically simple Pinky! The first rule of league conquest: take your enemy by surprise. Do what they'd never expect and they're sure to be caught unprepared!

Pinky: Oh, I get it! Like trading away your best players for practically nothing!

Brain: Exactly Pinky! They'd never expect us to trade away a future Hall of Famer, so...

Pinky: You mean like when we traded John Riggins?

Brain: Well, yes, but you're missing the big picture Pinky. They'd never expect us to trade away a Pro Bowl cornerback, and....

Pinky: Oh! I get it now Brain! You mean like James Hasty! Or like letting Aaron Glenn go in the expansion draft!

Brain: See, that's not quite what I had in mind. I mean, when you draft stars, most teams do everything in their power to keep them, but we're going to do the unexpected and....

Pinky: Yes, I see! You mean like letting go of Pro Bowl linebackers James Farrior and Jonathan Vilma? Yes, they never saw those coming! Or trading Pro Bowl receiver Terrance Mathis! Narf! Or how about letting Pro Bowl pass rushers Hugh Douglas and John Abraham go and never finding another one? Yeah, our enemies never saw THAT coming! Their heads must be spinning!

Brain: Well, you see, that's not quite what I'm getting at here Pinky...

Pinky: Wait, I'm really getting the big picture now Brain. Like drafting Pro Bowl receiver Tony Martin... and cutting him before he ever played a down for us. Who could have seen that one coming? Or trading Pro Bowl receiver Laveranues Coles, watching him make his only Pro Bowl with the Redskins, then trading Santana Moss to the Redskins for Coles, and watching HIM make his only Pro Bowl with the Redskins. Nobody could have seen that twist coming!

Brain: Yes Pinky, but that's what's so diabolical about my plan. After trading them away, or allowing them to be scooped up in the expansion draft, or just plain cutting our best players for the last 30 years, NOBODY would ever expect the move we're going to make next... are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky?

Pinky: Narf! I think so Brain. But what if Mangold doesn't want to play in a tutu?...

Brain: No Pinky. I'm thinking about the most diabolically brilliant move in Jets history! Quick Pinky, who is the face of the franchise, the one man we should never even consider losing?

Pinky: Umm... Fireman Ed?

Brain: No Pinky, think! Who is the best Jet to ever pull on the uniform, the only man to ever be in the conversation for the greatest player of all time at his position?

Pinky: Umm... Brandon Moore? I mean, I've never quite seen anyone put in the position he was in the Thanksgiving Day Massacre, so that automatically makes him the best ever at that position doesn't it?

Brain: No Pinky. I'm thinking of Darrelle Revis, the greatest Jet we've ever seen. Now, after all the times we've let our best players leave and had nothing but yet another rebuilding year to show for it, what's the one thing our opponents would never expect?

Pinky: Trading a 4th and a 6th for Tebow?

Brain: Besides that Pinky. Think!

Pinky: Trading McKnight to the Defense?

Brain: Well, yes, but what else?

Pinky: Extending Mark Sanchez's contract?

Brain: Grrr... anything else?

Pinky: Thinking Sanchez gives us the best chance to win? Thinking we need to see more Bart Scott? Drafting Vernon Gholston?

Brain: Enough! It's trading away Darrelle Revis, you dolt! Nobody would ever expect us to trade away our all world cornerback for a middle of the 1st round pick and a 3rd or 4th. It's genius! Nobody expects us to do something insane, and what's the definition of insanity Pinky?

Pinky: Ummm... being a Jets fan? Narf!

Brain. No Pinky! It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We have constantly let our best players go at the peak of their careers and paid for it by being a laughing stock franchise. So what do we do to really catch 'em by surprise? Why, we do the insane. Of course! Nobody expects insanity!! Buwahahaha!

Pinky: Narf! I resemble that remark. It's brilliant Brain! Just one question... how exactly will trading away our best player improve the team?

Brain: Ah, Pinky, that's the genius of this plan. It won't! Who would expect that! Now we will have completely stripped away the last shreds of talent on this team. That leaves us and our #13 pick in perfect position for tomorrow night!

Pinky: What are we doing tomorrow night Brain?

Brain: The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try and take over the NFL...

They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Braintrust....