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The Airing of Grievances

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The Feats of Strength will follow
The Feats of Strength will follow

December 23 marks the feast of Festivus, a holiday created by Frank Costanza for the rest of us. Dinner is finished. Now let us gather around the aluminum pole for GGN's second annual Airing of Grievances, the event where you tell loved ones how they have disappointed you in the past year.


Mark Sanchez: I understand that you're a rookie. I don't expect much from you. I do expect you to realize that throwing the ball into double coverage is a bad idea. Could you maybe learn how to slide too?

Kellen Clemens: What can I really say at this point? You're indecisive. You get happy feet in the pocket. Your throws aren't accurate. You can't read a defense four years into your career. I can't even depend on you to execute a simple hold.

Shonn Greene: I've been impressed for the most part, but could you please learn to hold onto the football?

Braylon Edwards: I've been impressed for the most part, but could you please learn to hold onto the football?

Dustin Keller: With your natural ability, you should be a 1,000 yard receiver. Fine, you have a rookie. I can give you a pass for low numbers. The balls you should have caught but didn't? Not so much. Also how can a guy as athletic as you not be able to make a guy miss or break a tackle every now and then?

Bryan Thomas: Readers here might ask, "Who?" at the mention of your name.

Kerry Rhodes: To be fair, you're coming off your best game of the year. Still, you talk like you're an elite safety. Well elite safeties make impact plays, and you haven't made too many this year.

Brian Schottenheimer: Your hands may be tied with a rookie quarterback, but I can tell whether a run or pass is coming. At least the five wide sets on third and one are gone.

Rex Ryan: I love you overall, Rex, but you're still a work in progress running the game. Great job with the defense, though.

Did I miss anybody?