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Calvin Pryor: The Decongestant

Calvin Pryor #25 2014 NFL Draft Profile (via TheCrunchZone)


The primary purpose of decongestants is snot removal. Common side-effects of decongestants include sleeplessness, anxiety, dizziness, excitability, and nervousness. The nickname is eerily accurate.

Part of the great appeal of American football is the sanctioned violence of the sport. And in an age where football seems to be legislatively pansified, its so very refreshing to have a player to root for that not only embraces the violence, but relishes it. Calvin Pryor likes to hit people. Hard. If he was a boxer, he'd be Mike Tyson in his prime; a small guy with cannonballs for fists. If he was an animal he'd be a honey badger... on steroids. He plays without fear or apologies. He obliterates.

If he's bigger than you, then he'll obliterate all of you. If you're bigger than him, then he'll pick a small weight-bearing part of you to obliterate. But big targets or small targets are of no matter to Calvin. Calvin kills indiscriminately.

Remember playing "Kill the Guy With the Ball" when you were a kid? The game where one kid had the ball against everyone else who were trying to tackle him. Well, Calvin was that kid that always killed everybody. Moms don't like Calvin. He was the guy that always hurt somebody in Oklahomas. He's that guy that some poor schlepp always tries to test, with a nonchalant "he's not so big" attitude, and always winds up going for an ambulance ride. He's the guy that would knock dudes out during thud. He's the guy that makes people fake injuries.

Calvin Pryor knocks snot out.

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