Although some claim it was a "shock" to see Tim Tebow sign with the New England Patriots, my inside sources in Foxboro paint a different picture. It seems as though going into the season the team had scouted out one glaring weakness it needed to address.
"Our fans just weren't annoying enough last year" said the Foxboro Source "We start from a pretty strong pool, considering all the Boston wannabe tough guys". "Add in the huge amount of bandwagon fans who come back every offseason despite the playoff disappointments along with those Football Fans who just get their news from ESPN."
All you have to do is point out anywhere near a Boston/New England friendly message board that maybe Belichick isn't a genius and you'll have to run the vipers pit of responses, between threats of rape to excuses that the NFL favors the Giants, it's all there. It's been over a decade since the Patriots won the Super Bowl, mostly because Donovan McNabb couldn't keep down his Chunky's Campbell Soup during the 4th Quarter.
Yet there is one fanbase out there that is even more obnoxious, even more bandwagon and will even defend a rapist if he gets the team wins. If you were thinking Pittsburgh Steelers, you were absolutely correct. The staff in Foxboro is well away of this, especially as the Steelers have two Super Bowl wins in the last decade. You can find Steeler fans all across the nation, and their ability to rub the local failing football team's franchise fans nose in it has given them a leg up on the Pats.
"We started looking around at how we could court the most obnoxious fans in the least amount of time and effort. Tebow fans are that missing 5th Column that will bring the Pats back to the promised land. These are people who made Tebow's Jersey one of the top selling jerseys leaguewide for both the Broncos and Jets. This is before they even got to see him play a snap for either team. They paid for billboards and banner planes to advocate starting Tebow. They tortured well educated NFL fans with their lack of game knowledge and the claim that Tebow just knows how to win."
What about worries that the new Tebowmania fans might grate on existing Patriots fans like they did in Denver and New York? "Not a problem" said the source "We put him out there for some play that we don't want Tom Brady to be pummeled on, and it keeps the Tebowheads happy."
"At this moment," said the source "I'm sure the New England Patriots Tebow jersey is on it's way to being a top seller." "That means people will be wearing it all across the nation, annoying local fans even more as these clueless fans suddenly jump on the New England bandwagon." "The Steelers time at top is soon to be over, cause all Tebow fans do is annoy everyone."
When asked about mechanics or anything about Tebow's perceived struggles, the source had this response: "Look, the guy is going to run the ball once a game, maybe get a first down. Then ESPN is going to blow it up as the pivotal play of the game and everyone is going to be back to proclaiming Belichick's genius once again. How could this go wrong?"