Oh Joe, Baby, what to do when you probably have only 7 picks, you have around 20 needs, and Jill St. John is a senior citizen? Times are tough, that’s for sure, so no defensive toys for Lord Ryan at New York Jets Abbey this season. What with his valet Timothy Tebow in quarterback jail after spitting up two picks for him, with Darrelle Revis’s recuperating knee not cooperating with the Jets’ salary cap needs, and the best pass rusher in the draft, Jarvis Jones, suffering from a narrow spine that promises all kinds of risk, times are really, really tough. So the tough get going with bold draft picks. And I mean draft picks on offense. Lord Ryan can cobble together a defense with old tape and tattoos, or something.

In an ideal world the Jets would draft their defensive tackle to plug the middle or pass rusher with the 9th pick. However, the Jets live in their own dysfunctional world and cannot afford to wait until the second round to find out if the Atlanta Falcons and Green Bay Packers and Dallas Cowboys and Cincinnati Bengals pass on Alabama running back Eddie Lacy. Lacy is only ranked in the second round by most draft authorities but that does not do any good for the Jets if in real life these teams break the sacred rules of Mel Kiper and select Lacy in the first round. How do I know the Jets want Eddie Lacy? I know because Nick Saban admitted that his own All American defenders at Alabama HATED tackling Lacy in practice. That’s good enough for me.

Furthermore, Lacy has a herky-jerky style of running that is going to drive teams nuts in the NFL. He runs too high but it is hard to get a good shot at him because his motion presents odd angles at his body.

In addition, the Jets must have a lot more offense and they must have it NOW. They need a tight end who can block and who can catch and who is tall enough for Mark Sanchez to see downfield. That man is Tyler Eifert, Notre Dame. You read it here first, even if Howard Cosell is dead. The Jets really need another new speed demon who can get open downfield and they could use Marquise Goodwin of Texas. Unfortunately, Lord Ryan does not take many short players seriously, witness the departure of Danny Woodhead, so the Jets will have to make do with Braylon Edwards, security blanket to the aforementioned Sanchez. They will probably elevate Jordan White from the practice squad as he is an excellent route runner. Given their need to save money, where goes the other option Santonio Holmes? No, Lord Ryan and his humble servant, the new GM, John Idzik, have not told me about their additional quarterback choices.

Well, no point in giving the whole story away in the introductory paragraphs. Let’s get to the real, fake draft.

(9)Eddie Lacy, RB, Alabama: Just give him the damn ball!

Tyler Eifert, TE, Notre Dame: Just throw him the damn ball!

Robert Alford, CB, Southeastern Louisiana: Okay, maybe I spoke too season. Ryan will need more cornerbacks. Alford is one of the fastest, and in the third round, available.

Alvin Bailey, OG, Arkansas: The Jets have been drowning in a rowboat for the last two years called the offensive line. Outside of the first round Bailey is as good a guard as you will find. Give him the damn job!

Ricky Wagner, OT, Wisconsin: The good news here could be very good. After watching Wagner open up huge holes against a talented Stanford defense in the Rose Bowl, I’m not convinced he is not the best tackle in the draft, period.

Stansly Maponga, DE, TCU: You want somebody who reminds us of the New York Sack Exchange? Maponga is the speed guy we’ve been waiting for, the Dwight Freeney of the AFC East to be. Quick, draft him before you know who in New England spots him. Don't look at his 40 time in Indianapolis. See what he runs at 10 yards.

Ray Polk, FS, Colorado: Yes, I know, Lord Ryan does not like to entrust starting safety positions to rookies because he uses the position as back up secondary coaches, but folks and Bret Musberger, this is the best safety class in years. And Polk is Ryan’s type of bar brawling defender who will knock your teeth out. He was born to play for Ryan.

Analysis: Yes, I know, there are no linebackers and defensive tackles here. Not to worry: there are a ton to be had this year, even if I don’t list them below as possible unsigned free agents.


Spencer Nealy, DT, Texas A&M

Michael Zordich, FB, Penn State

Lane Taylor, OG, Oklahoma State

Mike Purcell, DT, Wyoming

Jemarkus McFarland, DT, Oklahoma

Roy Roundtree, WR, Michigan

Robert Marve, QB, Purdue

Randall Mackey, RB, Ole Miss

Omar Hunter, DT, Florida

Dustin Harris, CB, Texas A&M

Joe Kruger, DE, Utah

Maalik Bomar, OLB, Cincinnati

Chris Jones, DT, Bowling Green

Tino Sunseri, QB, Pitt


No discussion of the Jets future would be complete without a reference to the alleged“worst quarterback in the history of the NFL”---Mark Schlereth—or the man who is such a“distraction” that the NFL cannot function this year without the man playing in Canada.

Bill Parcells, former coach of this team, and builder of four separate playoff franchises, has always said his main requirement for a quarterback was to get him into the end zone. Last year the Jets found a way to keep Tim Tebow out of the end zone: don’t give him the ball. Yes, he’s a terrible short field passer apparently suffering from dyslexia. Yet he’s quite accurate on deep throws and possesses an instinctive sense on the field of what to do and when. I’ve never liked the decision to take the play calling away from the quarterback on the field and give it to a guy on the sideline or up in the sky with a playbook as big the old New York City telephone directory. The last two, awful Jets offensive coordinators only add to my point. The Jets could save themselves a lot of money and draft picks by keeping Tebow this year and letting him see what he can create on offense. Essentially that is what Rex Ryan has been doing without a true pass rusher ever since he took over the Jets and its defense. Yes, the contemporary game requires a dual threat quarterback. Good ones are hard to find.

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