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Do You Know Where You Are? You're In the Jungle Baby... You're Gonna Die!!!

Anybody else getting that feeling? That dirty secret feeling that makes you giggle like a fiend and makes your fingers all twitchy. That feeling you get when the guys at work start talking football and start with the blah blah blah about how the Jets offense have no weapons and aren't very scary, and it makes you just smile. And its not a nice smile, its a creepy smile. The kinda smile that makes people a little uneasy. They're uneasy because they can see the truth behind your eyes. You have that "You're gonna die!!!" smile plastered across your face. And you smile that smile because you know something scary. Something very scary. The Jets defense.

And it is pretty freaking scary. To think, all the havoc our defense has been creating and we're running a very basic, vanilla defense so far. And vanilla is not a flavor in Rex Ryan's repertoire. If Maybin and Coples and Ellis and Wilkerson are wrecking shit now, just wait til Rex throws some tabasco on that bad boy. Wait til Dirty 30 starts gettin in on some overloads. Speaking of Dirty 30.., extend him now (I said it). He embodies exactly everything a Rex Ryan defense needs from a safety. Give me Dirty 30 all day every day. I don't care if he blows a tire in week 1, he's a Jet. The only thing scarier than Dirty 30 is Kenrick The Scariest Man in the World Ellis.

Kenrick Ellis has boots made out of baby seal skin. Kenrick Ellis is not a nice man. He likes to seek out baby sea turtles that are just upon the precipice of the ocean, and he likes to turn them around towards the beach and the seagulls. He beats puppies. He eats fried post-hatched eagle eggs. And then he sky-dives parachuteless. Shoulder first. He never leads with his head. He once swam up to crocodile in the Nile River and stuck his head in it's mouth while half submerged. This was right after he disclocated it's jaw with his bare hands. Kenrick Ellis is no joke. He'll kick your child if it looks at him funny. Don't run it his way, he likes the sound of bones snapping. .
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