Morning Cup of Bro: Special Inaugural Hating Life Edition

Tom's probably having a worse morning than you are. Although I'd be willing to bet I'm more hungover than he is.

Just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse and the wrap up of a championship game featuring two of our worst enemies, welcome to Morning Cup of Bro, a weekday morning feature that may or may not survive, based on reception. For all intents and purposes, Noble_lance is the winner of the bologna sandwich and signed used copy of Madden 2009. I'm incorporating some of your suggestions into this by using different themes, based on the day of posting;

Mail Bag on Monday, Profile of a (past or present) Jet on Tuesday, Open Topic Thursday, and Fan Favorite Friday.

I'll explain as the week progresses. I was going to affectionately call Wednesday Hump Day and make it a pic dump for the Flight Crew and other scantily clad types, but I don't think that will fly as a FP feature. You can also look forward to weekly serials as suggested by you such as free agents by position and season retrospectives. Every edition of Morning Cup of Bro will feature a brief update of the last day or so of Jets and/or NFL related stories with color commentary on one mini-story in particular. Without further delay:

The Brodown:

My instinct is to just lie to you and say nothing of interest happened this weekend, but that would be dishonest. The Giants beat the Patriots (again). Eli Manning got a corvette but walked away without the keys. Former Jets and Patriots running back Curtis Martin was inducted into the Football Hall of Fame. Aaron Rodgers earned season MVP honors, Drew Brees Offensive Player of the Year, Terrell Suggs Defensive Player, while Cam Newton and Von Miller received rookie of the year honors. Matthew Stafford was named Comeback player.

Something of Interest:

Tom Brady spent the better part of an hour sulking on the field, and then sulking in the locker room, and then sulking in the shower while the world waited to hear him speak post-epic fail. Robert Kraft and Alex Guerrero spooned Brady for a while and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, then he finally emerged, answered a few questions in a somber tone, and then made his getaway. Gisele came running out after Brady yelling "Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!", then the two embraced while the theme music from Rocky played.

If you take nothing else from this weekend, revel in the suffering and spoiled disappointment of our greatest rival. Put it in your pocket for a rainy day, because it's gonna be a long offseason.

Reader mail after the jump. The views expressed in comments or questions are that of readers, not mine or GGN, SBN, or Vox media. Any advice or responses I give are my own and not necessarily the views of John B, GGN SBN Vox or any of the aforementioned organizations staff.

One Question Bro:

You’re already aware that glass replaced aluminum as the common substrate for instantaneous disc recording during the War effort. We have several cracked glass-based discs in our laboratory at work. On many of the cracked discs, the cellulose nitrate information layer has begun to flake off, a result of the binder failing after 40+ years in poor storage conditions. Do you suggest keeping the already flaked-off nitrocellulose pieces where they were – that is, sitting with no adhesive on the part of the disc in which they have become detached – or, rather, would you collect them in an enclosure made of an inert substance such as mylar or acid/lignin-free paper?

-Royalsfan

Hi Bro,

do you prefer oreo's or chips ahoy?

Love,

John Stamos

BN,

explain, in your own words, what antonio cromartie is thinking when he goes out to return a kick. my original thought was probably nothing, but there has to be an innate reason for his sudden brain cramps.

thanks for banning me doueche

No problem, dude! I'm glad you're satisfied.

i am currently holding a dead body. what should i do? is it possible to blame it on mark sanchez? it seems it is an extremely easy thing to do.

Holding a dead body? Like as a favor to someone else? This isn't like holding a bag of coke for the popular girls, or holding the stores only copy of Red State so Kevin Smith can go get a cash advance and keep the illusion that people actually watch his movies going. This is serious, man!

You were right to turn to me. We'll get through this together. Here are my suggestions, try them in descending order.

1. Throw it over your neighbors fence. Ignore the phone and door for a few days.

2. Leave it to exposure, then casually leave the skeleton in a biology classroom.

3. Kick it under the bed and try to think about something else.

4. Prop it up and try to convince your friends and family that it's always been there for decor.

5. Haven't you ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? Use common sense and carry around the body for you to use as a networking tool.

That's all for this mail bag. Send me mail at mr.zack@gmail.com or simply click on my profile.