Gather round my brothers and sisters, yes it is I Noble_Lance I am back from my departure. Yes after weeks maybe months away in isolation I have come back enlightened with a divine message, the Jets will be the Super Bowl champs next year. But for now, sit and stay awhile for the path to go and come back has been long and I have much to tell you all.
As I mediated under waterfall Sandy, it was then that I finally saw the path and it was not under the direction of Mr. T or Woody Johnson no, they were foretold for these trials of the Jets fans. No it began forty-four years ago when Joe Namath, made his deal with Satan for the ring, just like others before him and after him with their improbable runs and claims to glory. Joe, Joe, Joe sold his soul and told the Devil, "Satan, give me a SB win and in exchange, and you keep the Jets from that game until its forty-fifth year that they would have a chance to win again. And so it happened, that it was alllll the misfortunes of this team could be blamed on the Pantyhosed Perpetrator! Who even now will mock his team and question them because he refuses to admit to his mistakes and own up to the curse he placed on his fans and soul all for the ring of gold!
Yes my friends, in the waters of doom as I drowned in the waterfall it was all so clear it was the light of God commanding me to wake and swim for freedom so that I may preach the word of the Jets as he start writing a new gospel according to Rex.
But I thought how, how could I do this in a world where religious men and women who hear voices are claimed to be crazy! You can't be a preacher without asking for money or trading marking your prayer position. So I went to the offices on high, and walked through the shadows of valley Kreigel and Sapp for I would fear no mouthpiece because the fans were at my side! And as I walked through the halls of the NFL, it was spirit of Al Davis, yes that one who guided me through the halls to the secrets, the room in which all of the NFL's dealings and records are kept, there sat Spygate Tapes, the truth behind the Tuck Rule, why Golden Tate was allowed that catch, I could go on my brothers and sisters but if I did your blood would boil like the rage of a thousand Chicago Cubs fans! It was there, in all the dark dealings that I found it!
The NFL is not a sport, but an episodic series! It is the reason Vince McMahon called out Goodell, he knew! He knew the truth! The pain and injuries are real, but the outcomes are fixed and the plan was revealed for five years in the future! With the loss of Tom Brady soon in the AFC East, a new threat and dynamic in that section was to be made, it was not Manning, no, no he was set for else where because his time served gave him his reward of a team with a valid offense and solid defense to go out for his remaining years in the season. With the next season's Super Bowl being in New York, I can think of no better time to let the Jets rise and the changing of the guard as a media power and dynamic dynasty.
You see, with this draft and offseason the Jets will reload with talent across the board, and the Jets will once again be in an underdog position. They get into the playoffs as a WC team, and start with the Pats who will be a 3rd 4th position team in the playoffs to the Texans and Ravens. They will beat Brady in what will be the true beginning of the end for Pats, then it will be the Ravens, to give Rex Ryan the revenge on the team that denied him an HC position, at least that's what they have the NFL AM crew discuss in the days leading up to it. Then the Texans in the AFCCG which will become the new defensive super power in the NFL and offensive powerhouse, all of this will lead to the truth. A subway Super Bowl! That's right the underdog Jets will square off against the favorite New York Giants in Metlife Stadium ensuring that the NFL has A, a team which won the SB in their own stadium, and two the chance to move the changing of the guard both in the AFCE but the media itself. People like Jerry Jones won't be considered idiots with their whoring themselves to the media, no its a new world, where Head Coaches aren't silent but deadly but loud and proud, we'll be seeing more Rex Ryans yelling and screaming on the sidelines, bombastically Don Kinging their teams in shameless self-promotion, the hype trains will be running on new tracks that can't be stopped, and the ushering in of a new era in football with the Jets once again leading the charge my brothers and sisters!
These dear friends is what I was told in the trials of the water and the halls of the damnned, so bathe with me in darkness of the season for we shall be rewarded, so rejoice and be proud for your time is coming!
Warning, this gospel/conspiracy theory hybrid is a joke I've been wanting to attempt for the last five weeks after a stoned Jets fan called me with the theory. Anyone who takes this nonsense seriously is a bigger fool than I am. Anyone who takes this to their own SB nation to point and laugh at the Jet fans as desperately delusional, well f-you and your hate of the Jets to bring it over there as a comedy piece against the Jets rather than just a joke that it is. Thank you and hope you enjoy it.