Bill Simmons Doesn't Like the Texans

ESPN's Sports Guy Bill Simmons thinks the Texans lose to the Jets.

have a rare talent for sniffing out the Bandwagon Sleeper That's Not Actually a Sleeper. But sniffing it out nine months before Week 1? Impressive even for me. In December, I wrote that "the Texans are headed for a respectable 9-7 finish, followed by seven months of building excitement about 2009, then an onslaught of 'I'll tell ya who I like as a sleeper -- the Texans!' media picks ... and they'll immediately crumble under the weight of those expectations and finish 5-11 next season. It's rare to find our Winston Wolf Memorial Popsicle Team for the next season when the current season hasn't ended yet. Can't remember that happening before."

(Put it this way: We are right on schedule. Beware of the Texans. They stink of popsicle juice.)

Jets (+4.5) over TEXANS
The Jets' defense is frisky enough to make this my "We Couldn't Get This Sponsored Underdog Lock of the Week": Jets 16, Texans 13. You're damn right I just took Mark Sanchez on the road. Let's turn it over to the guys from Generic Studio Analyst Theater:

Generic Studio Analyst 1: "Lemme tell you something right now. The New York Jets don't need Mark Sanchez to win football games for them. They need him to manage the game. That's it. Manage the game.

Generic Studio Analyst 2: "That's exactly right. And if Mark Sanchez is put in a position where he has to WIN games for this football team? The New York Jets will NOT go very far in the National Football League. At least this season, guys. They will NOT go very far in the National Football League.

Generic Studio Analyst 3: "They might go far in the draft though!"

(Everyone laughs uproariously.)

It's not a good sign for a sleeper when one of their biggest flaws is stopping the run. Should they really be the obvious pick over a team that runs the ball well? I'm just saying.